Training Your Children to Tidy Their Rooms

Almost every parent comes up against this one - and for many it is a source of great aggravation, frustration, and countless fights and arguments. So how do you solve it? Here are some tips:

Typically, the child's room is overflowing with things, and there is not enough space in the cupboards and drawers. So, the first thing to do is to provide more space for their stuff, which may appear useless to you but is very precious for them. You might have to invest in additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers.

Always, make more room than is required today, because the stuff will go on increasing and the problem will remain unsolved if there is not sufficient space. Moreover, there should be enough space to let the child take out what he wants without having to empty the whole drawer.

Next thing to do is to make a routine and set up reasonable expectations. Many children are by nature very meticulous and organized; some are not. Also, their concept of tidiness may be very different from yours. If you think you can see their room spic and span all through the day, you are mistaken. It is an unreasonable expectation; it will only lead to frustration. It would be better if you take your child's views and then establish a reasonable standard of tidiness, and how often that should be achieved.

Remember, your goal should be to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings. That their untidiness upsets you is your problem. You will have to allow them to fail at times and face the consequences of that. In other words, you may have to put up with their untidiness for a bit longer.

You need to establish reasonable expectations, such as putting things away before bedtime and a once-a-week thorough tidy-up. Then you can draw up some kind of contract.

In this you should spell out the consequences for success and failure. Give clear indications of what the rewards or punishments would be.

Again, it is better to focus on rewards such as privileges earned based on achieving the goal. This can be combined with a chart system connected to other chores.

Of course, you can use some punishments for failure also, but they must be logical consequences, and not out of proportion with the crime. Many parents find the "black bag" technique quite effective. This is a simple exercise of picking up anything still lying on the floor at 1pm on Saturday and putting it into a big black bag. This bag will be thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. This bag can be 'earned' back if the tidy goal is achieved next Saturday or it will be thrown into the basement and finally into the garbage. But most children learn the lesson much before that happens because they run out of toys.

The secret of success of this exercise is in remaining calm and firm. Avoid shouting or other punishments. Just go at the appointed time and collect the offending articles.

The black bag technique works very well. No child wants to part with his belongings. At the most you might have to use it a couple of times. That is usually enough to drive home the message.

Finally, if there is a special reason why you want the room tidied up at a non-contracted time - if, for example, you have visitors who will need to borrow your child's room for a night or two - then remember that this is extra to your original contract, so it would be only fair to offer an additional incentive for them to tidy up. It is, after all, for your benefit, not theirs!

About Noel Swanson.

Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free good-child-guide.com/parenting expert parenting tips - you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a yesparenting.com/forum parenting forum