Training Your Children to Manage Money

In the days of the Klondike gold rush, two miners struck a huge deposit. Feverishly excited, they unearthed more and more gold each day. Meanwhile they neglected to store up provisions for the winter. Then came the first blizzard. Nearly frozen, one scrawled a shaky note explaining their predicament. Months later a prospecting party discovered the note, along with two frozen bodies lying on top of a huge pile of gold.

Today countless children grow up begging and grabbing and clinging onto all the things money can buy. As adults, they rarely outgrow this shallow self-centeredness, but simply graduate to more money and bigger toys. Living their lives on earth as if this were all there is, they fail to prepare for their eternal future.

Christ told the story of a rich fool, to whom God said, "This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself? This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God" (Luke 12:20-21).

Five minutes after we die we'll know exactly how we should have lived. But then it will be too late. The good news is, God gave us his Word so we don't have to wait till we die to discover how we should have lived. And God gave our children Christian fathers, so we could show them what the world will not-how to live now in light of eternity.

1. Give your children something greater than money-your time. Our children won't remember what we did for them nearly as much as what we did with them. I've never heard anyone complain, "Dad was always around, but I never had enough material possessions." I've heard many lament, "I had lots of stuff, but Dad was never there for me."

The best thing you can do for your kids is put them on your appointment calendar. Cancel other things to make time with them. Work hard, but don't work such long hours that you miss your brief window of opportunity to shape your children for eternity. No man ever looks back and says "I wish I'd spent more time in the office, and less with my children."

2. Use life's teachable moments to train your children. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Deuteronomy 6:6-9 tells fathers to impress God's commands on our children and "talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road." When we're alert, life brings countless opportunities to teach our children an eternal perspective on life, money, and possessions.

One night when they were six and eight, my daughters asked me to play the game of "LIFE," a popular board game I'd never played. One of my girls expressed disappointment when she landed on a space that made her a teacher rather than a doctor or lawyer-despite the fact that in real life she wanted to be a teacher! Why the disappointment? Because it meant she would receive a lower salary the rest of the game. And money, after all, is what LIFE (and for many people life) is all about.

LIFE presents the choice of whether to have children. Because there's a minimum amount of money but no minimum amount of children required to win the game, my girls kept choosing money over children. When I chose children instead of money, it surprised them. Choosing children might mean losing the game, and who plays a game with the intention of losing?

The whole event turned out to be an excellent teaching opportunity. I shared with my daughters Scripture's infinitely higher regard for children than money, and how "winning" and "success" are very different in God's eyes than the world's. Next time they played the game I noticed they made decisions that would make them "losers" by the game's standards, and winners by God's.

3. Take a field trip to a junkyard. How can we teach our children the emptiness of materialism in a memorable way? Take them to a garage sale and show them how things that people spent great amounts of money on are now sold for pennies.

Or, take them to visit a dump or junkyard. Show them all the piles of "treasures" that were formerly Christmas and birthday presents. Point out things costing hundreds of dollars, that children quarreled about, friendships were lost over, honesty was sacrificed for, and marriages broke up over. Show them the remnants of battered dolls, rusted robots, and crashed cars. Let them look at the expensive furniture and electronic gadgets that now lie useless. Point out to them that nearly everything your family owns will one day end up in a junkyard like this.

Then read, or ask them to read, 2 Peter 3:10-14, which says when Christ returns the whole world "will be destroyed by fire" and "the earth and everything in it will be laid bare." Ask them the ultimate question: "when all that you owned lies abandoned, broken, burned and useless, what will you have done that will last for eternity?"

What will survive the coming holocaust of things? The answer is, only God, His Word and people. Explain to your children how life should be invested in the eternal. Read to them Matthew 6:19-25, where Jesus says, "Lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven." Tell them "you can't take it with you," but according to Jesus, you can send it on ahead!

4. Teach your children to link money with labor. Once I mentioned we couldn't go out for dinner because we didn't have enough money. My youngest daughter said, "Just go to the money machine and get all you want." She referred to the Automated Teller Machine. This was a great chance to teach her money doesn't just magically appear in a machine, but is earned through work-good, hard, and well-done work. Fathers can show our children how to work, to make things, to sell them. We can show how work can be meaningful and fun as well as financially profitable.

A common mistake we dads make is to indiscriminately dole out money to our children as life goes by. This teaches them to think money comes easily or automatically. As a result they disassociate money from work. Eventually they feel it's their right to have money available even when they haven't worked for it. This misguided thinking is what puts able-bodied people on welfare rolls. The government fosters the handout mentality, but often it's learned first in the home, where character is built and lifelong attitudes are forged.

5. Teach your children how to save. Children learn the value of money and the discipline of self-control through saving. We helped our daughters open savings accounts years ago. If your child wants a major item, say a telescope, help him make a plan to save for it over a period of six months. Help him think of jobs to accomplish his goal. If he sticks with it (he may not), buying that telescope won't be an impulsive decision. And once he gets it, he's likely to take good care of it.

The same applies to a college education. I know parents who save for their child's education, while he spends his money irresponsibly. Remember, the quality of anyone's college education improves dramatically when he has a substantial part in paying for it.

6. Get your children started on the lifetime adventure of giving. We taught our children to tithe from the very earliest age (Leviticus 27:30; Malachi 3:8-10). They often gave more, but that 10% was untouchable. If Grandpa gave them ten dollars for Christmas, the question wasn't "What can I do with ten dollars" but "What can I do with nine dollars?" The other dollar wasn't theirs-it belonged to God.

The holy habit of giving is like the holy habits of Bible study and prayer and witnessing and hospitality. These things need to be integrated into our lifestyle. Those not raised in a home where they learn this are at a great disadvantage later trying to develop new habits as adults. Children raised in giving families would no sooner stop giving than brushing their teeth.

When we make decisions to give sacrificially to God's kingdom, we need to include our children, so they can both learn and get in on the blessing. Once we received a large and unexpected amount of money from book royalties. We sat down with our children, and discussed what we could do with the money. I explained we could use it to feed hungry people and reach them with the gospel. I also pointed out the money would entirely pay for a two week Hawaiian vacation for our whole family. We asked our girls what they thought. They enthusiastically encouraged us to give it to help the poor and lost. (Five years later the Lord provided a wonderful place to stay free in Hawaii. But at the time our children weighed the options, exercised their convictions and joyfully gave.)

7. Provide your children with financial planning tools. When the girls were five and seven, I gave each three jars labeled "Giving," "Saving," and "Spending." I explained that every time they received money, they were to first put at least ten per cent into the giving jar, then distribute the rest between the other two jars as they wished. Once they put money in the giving jar, even beyond the tithe, it was dedicated to the Lord and they couldn't use it some other way. Every Sunday morning they'd empty their giving jar and bring it to the offering at church.

Similarly, when they put money in saving, they were not to take it out and spend it on anything spur of the moment, but reserve it for some upcoming special expenditure or "a rainy day." However, they were free to transfer money from saving and spending to giving, or from spending to saving. As the jars lined up, it went this way-you can transfer money to any jar on the left, but never to a jar to the right.

I'll never forget that night. The girls were so excited they immediately took the money they already had and distributed it in the jars. They arranged the jars just right on their dressers, and literally spent two hours talking and figuring things out. My seven - year - old asked me to show her how to figure percentages on our calculator. She broke down her then one dollar a week allowance, and wrote on the jar labels, completely on her own, "Giving: $.25 a week," "Saving: $.25 a week," and "Spending $.50 a week." For the next five years, this simple system resulted in more financial education than any single thing we did.

Remember, a child cannot learn money management unless he has money to manage, and unless he earned that money himself. (Otherwise he's giving or spending his parents' money, not his.)

8. Teach your children how to say "No." Few things we teach our children are important as the discipline of saying "no." We must model the principle of delayed gratification, and teach the value of avoiding an expenditure when the money could accomplish a higher purpose if given away or saved or used more wisely. God commands and commends self-control one of the highest Christian virtues (Galatians 5:22-23; Titus 2:1-12).

Children are by nature impulsive spenders, and need our help to develop sales resistance. Every time we say "no" to our child about ice cream, candy, a new doll or squirt gun, we can teach him there are higher values than immediate gratification. Self - control learned by children in one area often carries over into others. A child who learns to say "no" to unnecessary purchases is much more prone to say "no" to sexual immorality or drugs.

Of course, tight-fisted stinginess is as negative as careless self-indulgence. Our goal is not to be penny-pinchers fretting over every expenditure, but joyful, responsible and generous stewards.

9. Show your children how family finances work. Bring home an entire paycheck in one or ten dollar bills. Or, use play money in an amount corresponding to your paycheck. Put the money in piles to show exactly how much goes to what expenses each month. This way your children can visualize where the family's money goes.

Some things will surprise the children, and they'll ask you questions. You'll probably end up reevaluating and making some healthy changes yourself. (Comparing the amount you give away with the amount you spend on various items may be particularly convicting.) Your children may see things in perspective for the first time. A child who's told to turn off the lights when he leaves the room, or to shut the front door behind him in the winter, suddenly understands why when he sees the stack of money that goes to pay the electric bill.

10. Never underestimate the power of your example. Albert Schweitzer said, "There are only three ways to teach a child. The first is by example, the second is by example, the third is by example."

Whether consciously or not, we continuously train our children, engraving our values in them as if drawing with a stick in wet cement. Children learn most effectively not just from what we say, but from what we do. Our actions speak louder than our words. (Sometimes so loudly our children can't hear a word we're saying!)

When it comes to handling money and possessions in light of eternity, dads, the most important point is this: sometimes our children will fail to listen to us; rarely will they fail to imitate us.

by Randy Alcorn, Eternal Perspective Ministries, 2229 E. Burnside #23, Gresham, OR 97030, 503-663-6481, www.epm.org

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PROPER DISCIPLINE OF THE CHILD

By Terry Coomer

Proverbs 23:13-14 -- “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.”

We now move into a different section from where we have been, as we now move into the proper discipline of the child. I firmly believe that both parts are important, but I believe the first part is extremely important. The first part was our spiritual relationship and conveying our spiritual relationship with God to our children. Part of the training is the correct, godly, and Biblical discipline of our children.

The book of Proverbs mentions proper discipline five times. It is interesting to me that the book of Proverbs mentions communicating our spiritual relationship to the child twenty-five times. Many Christians have different ideas about the discipline of our children. We live in a very undisciplined society. The lack of discipline and spiritual communication is sending our society into major problems.

One of the areas that this lack of discipline shows up is in the peer influence of our children and allowing our children to make their own choices. What is happening today is the culture we are living in is rearing our children instead of the parents. The culture and peer influence rears our children because in many instances the parents are not there to rear them. Listen to me very carefully, if you desire to rear spiritual children, you have to make a decision in your life to be the main influence in your children's lives. Three of the most corrupting influences upon our children today are television, music, and friends. Do not be deceived folks; the devil wants the culture to rear our children. Do not underestimate the power of these influences. Many children will listen to their peers before they will listen to you, if you allow it to be that way. Again, you must make a decision to be the most important influence in the children's lives.

The Lord has blessed us with two wonderful daughters, Teresa and Jennifer, who have been trained by their parents to have a heart to serve God. They have been taught by their parents not to allow the influence of their peers to lead them into sin. Both daughters are preparing to serve the Lord on the mission field. At the time of this writing one has graduated from Bible College and married a godly young man. The other is in her second year of Bible College and will spend her summer on a foreign field because of her desire to see others come to know Christ as Savior. They are not interested in what the world has to offer. Why? Because they were taught and trained from the time they were small children that what God wants is more important than friends and peer influences.

My wife and I made a decision as young parents that my wife would stay home and become the most important influence in their lives (Titus 2:3-5). Their mother home schooled both of our daughters. They were not academic misfits. In fact, one of the girls scored in the top three percent in the country on the English portion of the ACT test. We heard all the talk about lack of socialization. Folks, those of you who know our daughters know they are not social morons. We made sure their socialization was godly. We made sure to guard their training and influences. Why did we do that? We know that the Bible tells us that Satan wants to destroy their lives.

1 Peter 5:8-9 -- "Be sober be vigilant because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world."

As a Christian parent, you better understand these verses. I can hear someone say, "I bet their home was like a prison, they never had any fun." In fact, quite the contrary is true. Our children had a great time growing up. They learned to have the right kind of fun from their parents. Their mother taught them to enjoy proper music, not music that appeals to the flesh. She taught them to be godly young ladies as the Bible instructs in Titus 2. She taught them to dress as a godly young lady should. She taught them to cook, and we both taught them to be hard workers.

They were taught to do their best for God in whatever they did (1 Corinthians 10:31). My wife, Kim, was a huge godly influence in their lives because she committed herself to be there and to be the most important influence in their lives. Kim worked very hard and prayed much for their lives.

Parents today start out by allowing their children to make their own decisions. I have observed parents interacting with their children like this: The parent lays out the small child's clothes and the child says, "I do not want to wear that!" The parent says, "Honey, I am sorry I did not know you did not want to wear that. You do not have to wear that." The child and parent continue this dialogue throughout the child's life in almost every instance. Most parents do this today.

What happens is that the child grows up making his own choices, and when he gets to be eighteen he will not listen to a word you say because you have taught him from the time he was a little child not to listen to you. You have now opened his life up to be reared by his culture. His friends will be the most important influence in his life, fueled by television and music of the culture. He will become a spiritually undisciplined person who is lead by his emotions rather than by the Word of God. Unfortunately, most Christians fall into this category today and do not have a clue why their children have turned out the way they have. YOU MUST DETERMINE TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT INFLUENCE IN THEIR LIVES.

However, you have to be a spiritual person to see the truth in what I am talking about here. I can again hear someone say, "I bet his girls do not have any friends." On the contrary they both became spiritual leaders in Bible College and have like-minded friends who desire to live for God. You see folks; we trained them to have a spiritual disciplined life as a child and protected their influences for God as small children and teens so that as they matured they would be able to make godly choices. Why, because they saw their parents make godly, disciplined choices.

A fifteen-year old is not mature enough to make choices on a life's mate and does not need to be put in situations where he or she might be tempted to do so. Parents, do not be stupid.

We very seldom allowed our children to spend a night away from home unless we really knew the spiritual life of the family they were with. We certainly would not allow them to spend the night with the unsaved or carnal Christians, which included extended members of our family.

We also told our daughters as they were growing up that there was no reason for them to consider dating. They had plenty of time when they went to college to start considering young men. They were also instructed as to what they needed to be looking for in young men who could possibly be their life's mate. Teenagers are not mature enough to make decisions that are as serious as this. They also should not be put in relationships and situations that would encourage them to be involved in the lusts of the flesh at an age where they need to concentrate on their relationship with God not the opposite sex. Most parents make serious errors here and believe their children will lack in social skills if they are not allowed to date. In fact, what happens is the parents are allowing the culture to rear their children and heartbreak can come out of social peer pressure (Galatians 6:7).

We were not going to be bullied or begged to make stupid spiritual decisions in light of 1 Peter 5:8-9. Again, we are to live disciplined lives, not weak, emotional, feeling-lead lives. Our decisions are to be made based on the Word of God not on a whim of feelings.

We communicated to our children as they were growing up that Jesus wants to reproduce His character in their lives and the devil wants to reproduce his character in them. To a Christian who has a relationship with the Lord, living for Christ and walking with Him is more important than whether or not he is a good ballplayer. Folks, I know the influence that peers have on your lives in sports, as I was a former professional baseball pitcher. The Christian life is a disciplined spiritual life. If you do not understand this principle, you will fail in the task of rearing your children to love and serve the Lord. The culture will rear your child if you allow it to do so and bring heartbreak to you and your home.

So, why do I have to take this position on a disciplined Christian life?

Psalm 51:5 -- "Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me."

Psalm 58:3 -- "The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies."

A child is a sinner at birth. You never have to teach a child to do wrong. They will do so automatically. You have to teach them to do right. The will of the child must be dealt with while it is weak. The child must understand that he or she cannot live by their lusts alone.

Parents, discipline is a strong form of love that gives the child security. The child has to learn self-control.

Proverbs 13:24 -- "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chastenth him betimes."

The word here "betimes" means "early" in his life. Proper discipline of the child must start early. Babies have a will and they start to exercise it early. From the time they are babies we must let the children know they cannot have their own way. The Bible tells us to discipline early.

Proverbs 19:18 -- "Chasten thy son while there is hope and let not thy soul spare for his crying."

Did you notice the phrase "while there is still hope?" There will come a time for the spiritually ignorant or disobedient parent that there is no hope.

Proverbs 22:15 -- "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child: but the rod of correction shall drive it from him."

In these two verses there is a prominent word, "rod." My understanding is the Hebrew word for rod is a branch or a stick or a staff. It is like the rod of a shepherd. The rod was a symbol of authority in the hands of a ruler. Basically folks, this deals with spanking and using an object to spank. On this Biblical basis, I never used my hand to discipline our children. I used a paddle as a symbol of authority. Parents we are to discipline early and the Bible tells us to discipline consistently and correctly. Obviously, we do not spank for every infraction. Sometimes there is verbal correction.

Let me give you a very important rule: A child should never be told more than once. If you are not careful here the child will develop a pattern with you. How far can we go before the parent will get this done?

A child must understand that parental authority is God's authority. Someone says, "Pastor, are you saying I should spank my child?" They will think I do not love them."

Proverbs 3:12 -- "For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth: even as a father the son in whom he delighteth."

The proper correction shows you love your child.

Let me give you another pattern to look for. As soon as you say, "I am going to spank you," the child says, "I am sorry." The child is not really sorry; he is a con artist! You need to make sure he knows and understands what is expected of him.

Another important rule is never discipline a child for failure to understand. Again, here some children can be con artists in this area.

Something that is very important is that we should discipline for attitude. When a child says "No" to you or makes a face, etc., proper discipline is in order. In this battle of the wills you may have to spank more than once. Remember I said spank not hit, slap, yell, cuss, pull their hair, get them on the floor and beat them, chase them around the house with a belt, or scream at them. God has given us the perfect place to spank. It has no bones that will break and has been provided by the Lord for the "rod of correction."

Parents who yell and scream all the time are only building a rebel. The child will hear you yell and scream and ignore you, and when he grows up he will never listen to a thing you tell him. I have talked to many parents who have disciplined in this manner and they firmly believe they are a disciplinarian. "You know, Pastor, my kids got it when they back-talked me; I hit them right in the mouth. I yelled and they listened." Sure they did, right up until the day they got out of your house. Now they live the way they want which does not include living for God. You did not train them, you browbeat them! They longed to get away from you.

Listen carefully, proper discipline of the child requires not disciplining in anger. When our children disobeyed, we calmly went into the bedroom and talked with them about their disobedience and spanked them on the area God has provided. We always told our children that we were displeased with their behavior and God was displeased. We then told them we loved them and wanted them to grow up to have good character and to be obedient to the Lord. We also told them that Jesus loved them and wanted them to have good character. We always hugged them and made sure they knew we loved them and that the discipline was for their own good.

Quite frankly, we really never had to spank either child after the fourth grade. We broke their will early. I will talk about this matter of breaking the will further in the next message.

I have talked to many criminals in jail. I always ask them a question: “Did your parents spank you when you were growing up?" The answer is surprising in many instances, but it is something for us to think about. Almost always, they will answer, “Dad or mom (they usually do not call them that) beat me when I needed it," or something similar. They always seem to have a smile on their face when they talk about it. Then I ask, "How did they spank you?" I get something like, "He chased me with the belt or he got me down and whomped me," etc. They never talk about a Biblical, godly form of discipline. Most people do not understand what proper discipline is.

Parents, I can hear someone say, "I will never spank my child!" Then you may be affecting that child's salvation.

Proverbs 23:13-14 -- "Withold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell."

Parents, this is a will matter. Remember, I said parental authority is God's authority. If a child will not submit to his parents, he will never submit to God. When we did spank our children, we did not allow them to scream, yell, or excessively cry. If they did, we spanked them until their wills were submissive. This may take several times. Many people in our culture now say spanking is child abuse. I agree there are people out there who do abuse their children. The lie of the devil and the greatest form of child abuse that has ever been put upon a society is putting children on drugs for their behavior. Many public school children are now on drugs for what has been called Attention Deficit Disorder.

I would agree that there is a great Attention Deficit Disorder in our society and it is on the part of the parents, not the children. Many of the children in our society are being put on drugs because the parents are not home and when they are home, they are too tired to give the child any attention. The child is banished to the back of the house, put in front of a television, or a video game. When discipline is brought forth it is in the form of yelling, screaming, hitting etc. The parent does not have the time or the energy to do any real parenting as God has commanded. Therefore, we put drugs in our children because we do not have time to deal with them. This is one of the great sins of our society and many Christians have bought into it.

The sadness is we have multitudes of children who will grow up never learning to obey as God has intended them to and they will always have an excuse for their poor behavior. The culture has given them a reason to be a rebel and to be disobedient. Their parents are off the hook because they have a child with a problem. Do I believe there are children with real mental problems out there? Yes there are but the percentage is very few. What we are experiencing now is a society that is extremely undisciplined and is dependent upon drugs for behavior rather than the Word of God.

Parent's let me finish this message with this important thought. I believe proper discipline of the child is important. I really do not believe it is as important as the first section we looked at. Your relationship to God and developing Junior's relationship to God is your most important task in rearing spiritual children. Listen carefully, if you have a spiritual relationship with God you will understand the importance of proper discipline and will seek God's will in the matter.

Folks, I can tell a lot about a person's relationship with God by the godly discipline in their life or the lack of spiritual discipline in their life. I can tell a lot about the spirituality of a church by looking at the Pastor's children and family. As a Pastor it is my responsibility before God to have a godly family, or I cannot teach anyone else what God's word says on the matter. It is my responsibility to develop in my wife and children a passion for the Lord. My testimony before God is important in this matter. This is an area where we cannot fool anyone. The Bible makes it plain it will come back to get us if we are not obedient to God in this matter. Something I have learned is this takes hard work. We cannot be lazy and slothful in this matter of spiritual training, which I believe is the most important matter we have outside of our salvation and our children's salvation.
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This article is by Dr. Terry Coomer. God has given Brother Coomer some special wisdom about the building a godly Christian life and family. He is the Pastor of Elwood Bible Baptist Church and the Director of For the Love of the Family Ministries. He holds Family Conferences in local churches. He may be contacted at For Love of the Family Ministries, P.O. Box 535, Elwood, IN 46036, 765-552-1973, tlcoomer@juno.com.

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Discipline - Be Clear, Be Firm, Be Consistent

by: Helen Williams

Children learn best by being given clear, firm and consistent direction from parents who are clear, firm and consistent in their approach.

How to Discipline Children by Being Clear:

Firstly find and maintain clarity within yourself and then follow through on simple, clear instructions. Clarify for your self what being clear means.

It is about being plain, obvious, and understandable in a clear, short sentence that explains exactly what you mean.

It isn't about maybe this or maybe that.

Often parents have no idea that they chop and change their minds within minutes. To become clear about your own patterns of behavior, observe yourself and ask for your partner's help in this.

"We are going to tidy up your toys in five minutes", is clear and direct. Follow this with,

"Please help me tidy up your toys now" and it means just that.

Be firm with yourself about this. It doesn't mean soon, or later, but now.

I have seen parents give out this simple instruction, then become distracted themselves by a television program, conversation or magazine. What their children observe is parents saying one thing and doing another and this gives a much distorted message. Multiplied over many times each day, is it any wonder that children cease to follow simple instructions?

How to Discipline Children by Being Firm:

Firstly find and maintain firmness for yourself and then follow through with firm clear directions in a firm, clear tone.

Clarify for your self what being firm means.

To be firm is to be certain, definite, and determined. It is also being loving, kind and calm.

It means saying no and meaning no, or saying yes and meaning yes and sticking to it. It's about now being now. How often does your no become perhaps, later, maybe giving in, next time, soon, or alright then? This is a very common fault in how to discipline children and again it leads to numerous mixed messages for children.

Resolve within yourself and with your partner's help to ascertain how often you are both easily swayed into changing your decisions. Are you allowing your children to manipulate you? Imagine how simple your life will become when you are clear and firm within yourself.

It is every child's right to KNOW they can trust their parent's boundaries. So firstly, become firm with your own boundaries and then apply this to your parenting discipline.

"It is bedtime, (bath time, meal time) in five minutes" is a clear direction. Now follow through on this.

Giving the direction in a calm, clear, firm tone of voice helps your children to understand that you mean what you say. Being firm is about being in control of both yourself and the situation.

How to Discipline Children by Being Consistent:

Firstly find and maintain consistency for yourself and then follow through with a firm, clear, consistent approach.

Clarify for yourself what being consistent means.

To be consistent is to be reliable, dependable and constant.

These words immediately convey comfort don't they?

Let's look at the opposite of being consistent. Contradictory, unpredictable, changeable. That's definitely lacking in comfort and safety.

So how do you want to be seen by your children?

To begin with it can seem quite time consuming to concentrate on clear, firm, consistent guidelines. Be aware that this is very true. It takes concentrated effort and time to change old habits to new ones, but if you maintain consistency, you will be very surprised how quickly new patterns of behavior are formed.

Parenting Discipline In Summary: With parenting discipline we are teaching our children how to have self control, self discipline and to become self reliant, so they are able to make good choices for themselves.

The only way children can learn to do this is by being given the opportunities for this learning.

This means not over protecting them, or doing everything for them, but maximizing their opportunities to learn through personal experience and observation, even when this means making mistakes.

Can you see the opportunities here to change some of your own patterns of behavior into superior ones?

Clear, firm, consistent parenting is quality parenting. You learn to trust your own responses and your children are surrounded by your loving constancy.

This is the recipe for creating a happy, well adjusted family.

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